Image.
For women, this simple word has many meanings. It could be the reflection in the mirror, the picture in the magazine, the ideal in the mind or the obsession of one’s life. For many women, it is a haunting, relentless nag.
The power of capturing images is evident upon entering the home of Savannah Kenney. The 22-year-old self-employed photographer, who’s work is growing in popularity in her city, sits scrolling through photos on her laptop and smiles as she explains the concept behind each one.
A shocking picture enters the screen appearing to portray the body of a young girl — stomach sunken in, bones and joints protruding and no curves to speak of. The sad reality is, the photo is not of a girl, but rather a woman struggling with anorexia. She desires to be in control of her life while all the while being entangled by the lies of the image in the mirror. The photo is of Kenney about two years prior.
As a child, Kenney was naturally small. She grew up a tomboy and never appreciated the curves of a woman’s body. She did not think they were natural and could not imagine her body changing from the way it had always been.
Kenney comes from a large family with three sisters and one brother. Growing up, she was the smallest among her naturally thin siblings and always wanted to stay that way. She dates the beginning of her battle with her body to early high school as she hit puberty later than most of her friends.
“I was proud to have a small chest and to be less curvy,” she says. “I was known as the smallest kid in class and was always athletic, wearing no larger than a size zero.”
The problem with her weight became an issue of control for her. With parents whom she describes as overprotective and demanding, she wanted to know there was something in her life she could control and decide for herself.
“I would push myself to see how long I could go without eating. I trained my body not to be hungry and exercised a lot.”
According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, these are two of the main signs revealing a struggle with anorexia.
She also struggled with maintaining the image she made of herself to others. Since she was known as the “skinny girl,” she wanted it to stay that way. Comments from her father about her sisters being too big to fit into her clothes made Kenney more desirous to maintain a small frame.
As a home schooler throughout most of her high school years, Kenney often took classes at a local college with other students. On these days she brought a much smaller lunch than everyone else. After a friend made mention of her food portions one day, she felt she had to keep it up.
“I remember seeing my size and shape at that point in pictures and liking it.
“If I become known for something, I go after it way too much. I was very concerned with what other people thought of me and what their ideal picture of me was.”
Though she struggled with anorexia through high school, Kenney reached her lowest point during her first year of college when at five feet six inches tall, she weighed just over 90 pounds.
At this point, she began having heart problems, which is a common side effect of an eating disorder. After realizing her situation was more serious than she had previously thought, Kenney admitted openly for the first time she had a problem during an emotional call to her boyfriend — now husband.
“At that time I was shopping in the kid’s section for clothing,” Kenney recalls while sifting through old photos of herself. “At first I didn’t think of it as a disorder, but simply a bad priority of staying small.”
After opening up about her issues with body image and anorexia, she sought counseling from other women. She learned her issues with weight revolved around her desire for control rather than mere appetite.
Though the struggle with weight did not leave her completely, Kenney slowly began to gain more understanding of the trap she had created for herself and desired to escape its bondage.
During college, she took several semesters of photography and fell in love with it. She says her goal in photography is to “capture the essence of humanity” in an honest and creative way. What started out as a passionate hobby, soon became an outlet for the true feelings and emotions she had kept inside for years.
During one of her first photography classes, Kenney’s professor assigned a personal project to complete the semester and told the class to portray an image of something that meant a great deal to them. For her, what followed was a series of three images incorporating a smashed mirror with her face staring blankly into the broken glass. The theme of the images — distortion.
After explaining the photos and her struggle with an eating disorder for the first time in public during the class critique, Kenney’s instructor praised her for her work and acknowledged her honesty and openness.
“My professor pulled me aside and told me how powerful the images were and how much they could speak to other people.”
This was the beginning of what led to the concept for her final senior project, which she titled, “Root Metaphors of the Female Mythical Norm.” Through this process, she was able to talk with many other women struggling with the same difficulties associated with body image, allowing her to cope with her own problems.
“I wanted to do a project to help other women with similar struggles. The goal was to show the progression of how eating disorders start and the major influences associated with them.”
The photo series begins with a girl standing in front of a wall covered in photos from magazines depicting what the media says is “healthy” and “normal.”
One of the most shocking photos in the series is of Kenney herself standing in her undergarments revealing a body like that of a Holocaust victim.
As the images progress, she explains how women are slaves to the mirror and chained to the scale. In one photo, a thin college student tightens a measuring tape around her tiny waste. Others reveal ways women try to disguise themselves by painting on a mask of perfection. Some show women as slaves to food, as well as the toilet.
As she presented her work to the class, she had the most discussion stemming from her images. And with a class full of women, many opened up about their own struggles of this nature.
Throughout the process of conceptualizing and capturing the images in the series, she was forced to face her own issues and to be real and honest with herself.
“The biggest thing I learned through that process was that I was not in control of my life at all, but rather, I was allowing my weight to control me.
“I couldn’t let it become a controlling issue in my life because I wanted to move on and help others.”
Kenney says the photos in the series of herself still haunt her. As a newlywed and the owner of an up-and-coming photography business, she has had many things to keep her busy and to provide distraction from her weight issues. Her struggle has not become totally obsolete, but she realizes she has to win the battle with the mirror and scale daily.
“I realize now I could have caused serious damage to my body; now I desire to be healthy more than I desire to weigh less.”
Marriage has also allowed her to become more appreciative of her feminine curves, and she has gained about 20 pounds since her college days. Her body is still small, but she has embraced the things that used to seem foreign to her when she looks in the mirror.
“I’m becoming more accepting of myself and I know now there is no ideal size,” she says. “You have to grow as a woman; marriage has helped me desire to be more feminine.
“I realize now that being tied to a certain weight and measurements slowly consumed me and began to eat me away. I still believe in the idea for my project and how I wanted to make visual images of what really goes on as a woman realizes she cannot ever be like the women in many of the ads she sees.”
She also attributes her ability to overcome her struggle with anorexia to her spiritual life as a Christian.
“I realized the times I struggled most with anorexia were the times I was running from God and dissatisfied with my life.”
Though things are not perfect now, Kenney says she feels more settled in her life and with her body. Currently, her biggest struggle is not fitting into her old size zero clothes.
“I’ve never had to unbutton my pants to sit down before and now sometimes I have to,” she says with a laugh.
She takes joy in the fact that even if she gains a little weight, her husband is satisfied with her no matter what size she is, and she finally has freedom from the bondage of the scale.
“I know my husband loves me for who I am and whether my body is a size zero or larger is not what is most important.”
Kenney sits staring at the image of herself once again and can’t help but smile knowing how far she has come.
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